Thursday, October 20, 2016

Mard, Men & Morons

Since I have aired my views on women, it is my moral responsibility to share my observations on my own self, we the men. And for this, I don’t need a drink. It is another matter that I will drink! Having been brought up in an all boys residential school, I was witness to a whole lot of different kinds of boys/men. And after almost four decades on earth, I can largely categorise us in three categories, as the title suggests. According to me, you can tell way beyond years how will a boy turn out to be as a man. There have been exceptions and those exceptions mostly become the diagonally opposite of what we would be as boys. However, majorly, we tend to create a range for ourselves to oscillate our existence.

In boys schools, we are young boys. And there are some older boys among the young boys. With physical strength to our advantage, many of us start reaping some usual benefits. You know, like better at athletics, getting to do more macho stuff in front of little girls & ‘young’ lady teachers, and of course, start bullying younger and weaker boys. We find sycophants who encourage us in order to stay in our good books. Bullying slowly becomes our habit and as time passes it only becomes worse. We not-so-young boys grow up to become ‘mard jisko dard nahi hota’ types. We want to bully our way to movie tickets queues, parking lots, traffic signal; even our own wedding procession, sometimes. We get our Tobu cycles, by hook or by crook. Bought by parents, snatched from friends, steal it just for fun & then dump it in an abandoned place. 'Ignorant abandon' is our birth right. We are the kind who have no respect for fellow beings, least of all for the ones who could never stand up to our ill behavior. You could never tame us. We live & die as wild animals. We have no limits & we fight without a reason.

There are some boys, who right from the start, just know they are either at the right place at the wrong time or at the wrong place at the right time. If we were at the right place at a not so pretty time, we ensured to make the most of the time available. And god forbid, if we were at the wrong place, we would make it the best time of our lives. We flourish in chaos. We borrow Tobu cycles so cutely, that it look as if it is ours which was loaned to the actual owner. We could play without shoes, walk alone; run in groups; not study for an entire trimester and then mug lessons for 14 hrs straight without sleep to vomit all on the answer sheets & get pretty marks. We never bothered to top the class academically, though some of us could, if we made half an honest effort. We could debate with a wall, sing without a mic, laugh at our own butts; yet stand up for a genuine fight. We grew up to embrace life, the boys who possibly, learnt the art of social living. With time, there are glimpses of such a man turning into a ‘mard’, once in a while. Mostly, we were civilized beasts. We know our limits & we play to participate.

And then there are boys who are mostly in deep trouble. Or, are the reason why someone else is in deeper crap of a situation. We are the weakest, meekest, dumbest, sissiest, lousiest & perhaps the most entertaining of the lot. We are made fun of the most, bullied the most, avoided the most & rallied the most. In fact, gradually, everyone starts believing we are God’s ‘special child’. We cannot stand for our own rights because we believe we are weak and incapable. But we quickly expect someone to support us. And hence, mostly, we are the ones because of whom ‘mard’ and ‘men’ get into a fight. Naturally, men are battered. Mard mostly becomes a hero of the campus because we never had expulsions, barring very exceptional circumstances. My guess is, in all probability, he would be a moron disguising as a man, who would be rusticated.  Else, why would you do anything so idiotic or stupid, that people are forced to throw you out. Mostly they are good riddance. Being a moron is the limit. Beyond us, there is stardom.

Ofcourse, there are exceptions. I could be a ‘mard’ who somewhere down the line, became a man. Or, I could be a man who due to the need of the hour, just acted as a ‘mard’ and then, started enjoying the frivolous life to stay a ‘mard’. There are a few of us, who are actually morons but have truly found the most perfect way to fool the world by declaring ourselves, a man. And then, there is a minuscule population of morons, who flip their butt coin to suddenly become a ‘mard’. And that’s when the world comes to an end.


Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Ladeej Log

Disclaimer: This write up was written over a weekend, when spirits, tempers and moods, all are at an all time high. The writer has been forced to write on the most mysterious & enigmatic species on earth, women. Kinds of Women at Work, to be more specific. Though novice at writing, the writer is not stupid and shall try to be as diplomatic & professional in presenting his views, about her. An absolute spoof on himself. Comments may be shared at

I swear I come to office to work. And not to ogle at women. I respect women, just as I respect any fellow being, breathing next to me, below me or above me. No. No. I didn’t mean it that way. Anyhow, I really don’t know how and why am I writing this. The discussion was on the kinds of women one can hope to meet in any work space. In my experience, a working woman is the most explosive combination of a wet Diwali bomb, about to dry up and ready to explode, anytime. Why would I want to become the match stick igniting that slick chic! Anyhow, being the Alpha Male types, am always up for challenges. So, very very, very reluctantly I have agreed to bring out my observations on women at work place (not specifically my current workplace). As I see (and not stare at) women in office, some kinds that I can relate to are:

1. Girls School Vice Captain: A lady who just missed getting the most coveted Captain’ badge on her chest. She is talented, self confident, capable but always frustrated at being short on luck. Great on ability, attitude is work in progress.
2. New Bride: This is the lady who has been selected by all the elders of the family basis a short test on personality & personal ability. And now that she is in, she is over zealous, over eager and over ambitious in trying to impress the family. Great at initiative, results need better orientation.
3. Feminist Fanny:  Don’t mistake it for the name I have given. Here is a lady who has no problem with men. Her biggest problem is, problem of women. Any male related problem and she will ignore you like the one sided used A4 sheet on the printer. But let a fellow lady colleague utter “laptop issue” and she will assemble a laptop from things in her purse. Strong women, mostly caught amidst weak moments.
4. Pea-hen Behen: Rain or shine, dance floor is mine. Well, not literally. The most forthcoming, volunteering and over-enthusiastic set of women, mostly for extra-curricular activities. Great team players.
5. V for Vaastu Shastra: You will find the most exquisite sculpture of a three legged ostrich or pretty painting of a purple banana dipped in pista green yoghurt. Highly creative and structured minds.
6. Mocktail Madam: This is the kind which is a spicy mix of all the above kinds and some more thrown in. This is the kind I personally like very much. They are the ladies who show-off a certain attitude, are very positve souls and perform in extremely competitive enviroments.

All in all, there is no way you can stop a woman from shining. She will sparkle, through her superlative work, fantastic attitude or by showing off the diamond on her finger.

Thursday, February 05, 2015

Roast - Raw, Rare, Medium or Well Done?

I like what the team of AIB usually does. But I really loved what they could achieve with introducing Roast, for the first time, in a society like ours. It takes passion, will to start and end, ready to take a stand and perhaps a beating, fight, convince and ofcourse balls like “roasted” nuts, to conceptualise, create & present a phenomenon like “insult comedy, more so, in a society like ours. It is a miracle on how Team-AIB could convince people like Arjun Kapoor, Ranveer Singh & Karan Johar to get involved and that too in a magnitude that they did. But what is almost impossible to think is their outrageous imagination to assume that they could pull off something like this, in a society like ours.
Did I say, “in a society like ours” repeatedly? Yes, I did. And I would not even get to the so called traditional, old school, closed minded-last generation society. Frankly, in my mind, they are no different from people in my generation. We are exactly the same. And I say this with surety, because, I am part of the “society” I am referring to; living & breathing it. I have had no experience living in a village which has a khap panchayat, live instances of female foeticide or domestic violence in my family (hopefully!!) under influence of substance or family J.
But I have grown up watching TV in a room full of people across ages, who would be whispering all sorts of adult stuff (much on the lines of AIB-Roast) among their peer group but looking away from the TV when a condom ad would come. I have grown up being witness to eve-teasing where 5 boys would be passing the most lewd comments (worse than AIB-Roast) towards a lonely lady with another 5 witnesses actually enjoying it (me included! L). On other occasions, if some of us did object to such a gang of boys, we would be threatened with even worse comments. Sometimes, policemen supporting “the gang”. I know of fathers cursing their wives in front of kids, abusing kids in front visitors (pretty much similar cuss words as in AIB) and in turn kids back chatting with their parents in similar fashion. Oh, and they are from so called, “well to do” families, much like who paid for a ticket to watch AIB-Roast, live.
I live in a society, where women are being raped every day and roasted for the rest of their lives; where women, falsely accuse men of rape and violence and hold them under ransom & blackmail, roasting them for life. I live in a society which roasts “not so straight” human beings, every day at every given opportunity. I live in a society, where in the name of caste, bright and much more intellectual minds than “high castes”, are nipped in the bud. I am part of the society of the so clich├ęd, will hold my tool and piss in the open and be proud of it, but still cannot hold hands among friends, family or any place in public. I am part of the society which declares a human being as God, be it a cricketer or a movie star. Not to forget the many “sanyasis” who wear nothing but silk and eat only fruits, irrespective of the season. Aren’t we roasting our own self, every bloody day?
I live in a society, where, women sympathise with women who were sexually harassed/raped but do not support the victim, saying “we only know one side of the story”. I believe, that’s even worse than all cuss words put together for the AIB-Roast show.
Not that I have given up. Or that I am not fighting. I am doing my bit. And I have picked humour as my weapon. Which is why I support humour, blindly and unconditionally. Which is why I support AIB. Which is why I loved AIB-Roast. This is my bit.
I strongly believe, screw whoever is in government, centre or state, or has promised “a clean & better place”; if most of us (everyone will be too much of humour!!), can do their bit right, India is perhaps, the best place to be in. We have been, unnecessarily and illogically, comparing our country with irrelevant parameters among other so called developed countries. With some effort, I too can produce enough “data” to counter most of the parameters (humour for some, I guess J). But, I would rather laugh it off – my ignorance and your intellect. Because, I don’t see a reason why should I not. I cannot convince, fully. I will not be convinced, ever. But I can laugh, fully & shamelessly. Because, I love a hearty laugh.
Talking about love, a different kind of roast is coming up, Valentine’s Day. I pity outstation lovers, who are in a dilemma, whether to visit their valentine on 14th Feb and if they would back in time to watch the India-Pakistan world cup cricket match. What would they do? Dekhenge, Hum Log. J J

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Feel The Thought

I have always been confused between a feeling and a thought. Statements like, I was thinking of you, or, I have a feeling this is not right, never completely made me comfortable. I think, and I am thinking this, not feeling; that we can only feel for something living;  something which can test our senses.
A thought, could be anything, for anything and about anything, living or abstract. I could have a thought about people, traffic signals, food or work. But it isn't actually our creation ever. A thought occurs to us. We don't think. A thought comes to us. We are not the source of any of our own thoughts. I think so.
I feel for people. I feel for my pet. I feel bad for poor kids without a family and rich kids without friends. I feel because I have senses. And I can only feel something that can test our senses.
But then what about that thing called "sixth sense"? Isn't that an abstract thing? And don't we get thoughts because of that? And hence, isn't it that thoughts have something to do with my sense? But then what I get thinking is my sixth sense actually is a feeling only. Infact, it is when I get stronger feelings. And I feel so because, I can think deep. I can think hard. I can't think strongly. But I can feel strongly. And over a period of time I have realized I need to have strong feelings to make myself do something. A deep thought can probably help me look, re-look and change or amend my perceived notions in a certain way. A thought can at best give me a direction, not a vision. I need to feel to activate my senses, and act in a certain way.
I think I can feel. I feel this is a random thought. :)

Thursday, January 01, 2015

I Will....

I tried answering
Some lingering questions
I tried to avoid new dilemmas
And failed.
I tried possessing
Some new acquisitions
I tried retaining some archives
And failed.
I tried making people smile
I wanted to help people
I asked for help
And failed.
So what?
So what I lost. I loved fully.
I lost, to learn.
I learnt, to know.
Know myself & you better.
Better than yesterday.
I will lose again.
I will learn again.
I will love again.

2nd January 2015

Sunday, December 07, 2014

I am Alive

What I cannot share, I hide
What I cannot hide, spreads rumours
With every thought, time flies
To clouds of suspicious memories
Words tossed up, hurled into the sky
Striking at the stars and making them fall
With wavering startles and dimness.
This is how thoughts come to me
Flashes of memories, dry hot blows of pain
With sudden numbness in between

To let me know I am alive.

Silent Valley

Sitting with stars as company
I count stars, all alone.
Standing alone on the cliff
Clouds murmur greetings of you.
The chill in the air
The mist and its moistness
The light breeze with heavy notes
Share with me your presence.
We are far and yet to close
Like the valley below and hanging clouds
Saving it from the sun, and yet
Drenching possessively, the one they love.
As the night passes
The moon smiles, blushing
Another night slides away in silence

Without telling anyone about us.

Pie in the circle of Life

We know what’s sufficient,
For us to live at ease.
What we don’t realise is;
When is it enough?
Width of our needs,
Breadth of wants,
Depth of greed,
Buries our content.
In the circle of life,
On the diameter of desires,
We run across to edges;
Slipping to temptations, sometimes.
On thin lines of radius,
Through bored, blunt pencils,
Overwritten, the unrequited;
Is an expensive but required;
Urge to forego.


Why don’t you linger around
In my thoughts
For a bit more time
My restless mind
Needs a new reason
To unhide itself.
My heart aches
To show its scars
To be touched by a light
And show me the tunnel
For my pain to walk out
Hand in Hand
Where the lines of destiny
Which end on my palm
Are crossed over by yours
Entangling our mismatch
And completes our existence

Together & forever

Game of Love

With thoughts playing in my head,
And words being said without much thought;
It never seemed like a game I knew.

With rules vanishing away,
Much like my fellow players;
It turned out everyone was an opponent.

Emotions seeped out of it,
And so I loved with all my heart;
To be proven wrong yet again.

My soul had its own battles to fight,
And it chose me to settle its dues;
Soul was to love & be loved.

Think what you can; do what you must.
Never have a plan;
To love or lust.


There are people who say they know you well
There are days when you are not you
Everyone is around
But no one misses you.
There are nights when it is bright & striking
Stars shine & the moon gleams
You want to be felt
But no breeze to touch you.
There are times when you are not happy
You are not sad either; just don’t feel right
That one thought passes by

And there is content.


I want to bask in today’s sun
Rather than slipping away
Into shadows of yesterday
I want to walk alone
But alongside stars & the moon
Wait for sunrise
And welcome tomorrow.
Or it will be today, right?

I want to feel myself smiling
And enjoy my solitude
I want to touch my being
And hear the silence within
I trust my intuitions
I dream my imaginations
I am in no hurry to be there

But I should not miss the sunrise, either.

My need to want You

I need you to know my faults
But I want you to ignore them for a while
I need you to know I can do better
but I want you to make me so.

I have to tell you so much about me
And yet I have things you better not know
I want though, to know, all of you
And I need to surrender all me to you.

I want you to win this fight within me
Of my need to want you
And my want of having you
Only for myself
I want to lose myself
To win you over.

Pieces of Love

Sometimes it is better to break
And become pieces
Instead of remaining intact
Those tiny, invisible shards
Can spread carelessly
And when the sun shines
Throw rays to all directions
Declaring the love I have for you
To the entire world
I have decided, hence
To celebrate this soreness
This strike of destiny
To keep us apart

Probably never to meet, ever.