Monday, November 07, 2011

What to Suspect, when you are suspecting – Part 1

Not that I have started watching too many crime serials. (There are quite a few new ones on air. As it is, DSP Pradyuman will entertain our grand childrens’ family am sure!!). But talking to some people, it dawned on me that “suspecting” is more than intuition. Many a times, it is becomes a habit. I am no one to qualify it as good or bad. To start a thought with a pre-decided output in mind may not be the best way to start a thought provoking intuition.

In this short series, I shall try and point to my points of view of the various ways people do what they do. Finally, I may have a prescription to follow. But hey, I am no shrink. Infact, I shrink into a snail when thinking about my rowdy past and highly possible naughty future and being caught after a successful suspicion stint by someone close to me!!

During our growing up years, I always noticed kids complaining about their parents. They suspect their parents don’t love them enough. Parents suspect otherwise!! Kids complain parents don’t have enough time to spend with them. Parents complain the same. Kids complain they need support from parents when the entire world is against them. Parents have similar pains. God save the wrath of kids if they were sent to a hostel! First few months are a whiplash of tears, cries and curses to God. How could He send poor little kids to such parents’ home where they can’t even take care of a single kid and throw her/him in hostel dungeons? On the other hand, parents suspect their own decision! Keeping the kid in a day scholar at home versus sending to a hostel had its pros and cons. Reasons vary from better education and environment, better all round development, family tradition et all. Infact, some parents go beyond their means to give the kid a better up bringing. And yet, they keep suspecting. One sissy complaint by the kid and parents’ think tank starts shooting - Is the kid safe? Are the other kids from good back grounds? Is school taking care of her/his real needs? Do teachers understand what kids want?

Not that parents who have kids visiting day schools are any safer. Who all is the kid talking to, how is s/he being influenced, why did s/he come late today, I don’t trust this friend of her/his, there is some problem in her/his life? Kids at home suspect their parents are sabotaging their lives. Parents interfere too much in kids’ thoughts, decisions and needs. Dry comments like don’t go out now, come back by 7 pm, why, what and with whom do you talk so much on the phone, who dropped you today; are statements which are not unacceptable to kids. But all these carry genuinely suspicious connotations.

Now, to me, there is an element of surprise and shock.

I am surprised that irrespective of generation, location, culture and all other disinteresting demographics, how similar do kids and parents think? Whether a first world or third world country, whether it is a modern or conservation society, kids born in a marriage or out of wed lock, they all grow up disliking their parents, for some reason or the other.

What shocks me are the parents. They too grew up as kids, disliking their parents, murmuring under their breath and probably know exactly what is the kid thinking or feeling. And yet, they mess up.

I believe, as a kid, you should suspect what you observe.  As a parent, suspect your learning ability. How can you go wrong knowing all the way what’s the right way to deal with your kid?