Saturday, October 18, 2008

Two to Tango

It’s been a long time that I got time, chance or an inspiration to write something. Or rather, I could not get all three in sync. If there was time, there was nothing to write on. If I got chance to write, it was not the right time. There had been some incidents which did have its little impact but then, there was no time.

Well, today I have time, there is a chance to sit and think too. And there are couple of inspiring thoughts too. One of them is usual, one is a risky proposition and there is one which certainly can wait for some more time to mature. So, I shall choose to write something on me.

I always thought I was a regular guy with a normal life. Not that I have realized I am a maniac and lead an abnormal living. I am a sane being with common verve. But what I have started realizing lately is the existence of more than one person inside me. It’s getting more and more obvious to me everyday. I fear if others have realized it.

Just like everyone else, I like being in attention but I love my solitude. I don’t like being asked to do things but I want to be supported. I believe people spending overtime at work actually are less productive and I myself end up spending more than needed hours at work. People ask me if marriage has changed life. I know it has, but I reply otherwise.

I agree there are situations when one does things which s/he may not totally agree to. Sometimes circumstances make it tough for people to follow their convictions. On many occasions I too have been burdened by times when I had to operate on others’ will. I would want to believe that most of the times that I felt I was not this person were when I was forced into being someone else. May be most of the times were such too. I cannot say if it never dawned on me or may be I was avoiding it. But I have started to wake up to the fact that during those times it is not me. We are at that stage of our lives when out of 24 hours, more than half of the day is spent at work. Hence, most of the incidents when I fight with myself are in office. And it may not be because of my Boss always. The reason may have been a colleague, a subordinate or even a visitor. I would have to confess though that there have been not so professional times of internal conflict also.

I am sure this is not what is called split personality. But there are moments when there are more than one thought in my mind. Many of my thoughts are different from my actions. Some of my actions are what I would not think of ever and then, there are some which are only a part of my odd fantasy.

But now, sitting, thinking and writing this column, I am again made to think by someone inside me. Is the other person really not me? In two different situations, I may react differently. But in the same situation, can I have two different reactions? I want to say yes, but I am thinking no.

To an open mind, asking a closed ended question. Does it always takw two to tango?