Thursday, October 20, 2016

Mard, Men & Morons

Since I have aired my views on women, it is my moral responsibility to share my observations on my own self, we the men. And for this, I don’t need a drink. It is another matter that I will drink! Having been brought up in an all boys residential school, I was witness to a whole lot of different kinds of boys/men. And after almost four decades on earth, I can largely categorise us in three categories, as the title suggests. According to me, you can tell way beyond years how will a boy turn out to be as a man. There have been exceptions and those exceptions mostly become the diagonally opposite of what we would be as boys. However, majorly, we tend to create a range for ourselves to oscillate our existence.

In boys schools, we are young boys. And there are some older boys among the young boys. With physical strength to our advantage, many of us start reaping some usual benefits. You know, like better at athletics, getting to do more macho stuff in front of little girls & ‘young’ lady teachers, and of course, start bullying younger and weaker boys. We find sycophants who encourage us in order to stay in our good books. Bullying slowly becomes our habit and as time passes it only becomes worse. We not-so-young boys grow up to become ‘mard jisko dard nahi hota’ types. We want to bully our way to movie tickets queues, parking lots, traffic signal; even our own wedding procession, sometimes. We get our Tobu cycles, by hook or by crook. Bought by parents, snatched from friends, steal it just for fun & then dump it in an abandoned place. 'Ignorant abandon' is our birth right. We are the kind who have no respect for fellow beings, least of all for the ones who could never stand up to our ill behavior. You could never tame us. We live & die as wild animals. We have no limits & we fight without a reason.

There are some boys, who right from the start, just know they are either at the right place at the wrong time or at the wrong place at the right time. If we were at the right place at a not so pretty time, we ensured to make the most of the time available. And god forbid, if we were at the wrong place, we would make it the best time of our lives. We flourish in chaos. We borrow Tobu cycles so cutely, that it look as if it is ours which was loaned to the actual owner. We could play without shoes, walk alone; run in groups; not study for an entire trimester and then mug lessons for 14 hrs straight without sleep to vomit all on the answer sheets & get pretty marks. We never bothered to top the class academically, though some of us could, if we made half an honest effort. We could debate with a wall, sing without a mic, laugh at our own butts; yet stand up for a genuine fight. We grew up to embrace life, the boys who possibly, learnt the art of social living. With time, there are glimpses of such a man turning into a ‘mard’, once in a while. Mostly, we were civilized beasts. We know our limits & we play to participate.

And then there are boys who are mostly in deep trouble. Or, are the reason why someone else is in deeper crap of a situation. We are the weakest, meekest, dumbest, sissiest, lousiest & perhaps the most entertaining of the lot. We are made fun of the most, bullied the most, avoided the most & rallied the most. In fact, gradually, everyone starts believing we are God’s ‘special child’. We cannot stand for our own rights because we believe we are weak and incapable. But we quickly expect someone to support us. And hence, mostly, we are the ones because of whom ‘mard’ and ‘men’ get into a fight. Naturally, men are battered. Mard mostly becomes a hero of the campus because we never had expulsions, barring very exceptional circumstances. My guess is, in all probability, he would be a moron disguising as a man, who would be rusticated.  Else, why would you do anything so idiotic or stupid, that people are forced to throw you out. Mostly they are good riddance. Being a moron is the limit. Beyond us, there is stardom.

Ofcourse, there are exceptions. I could be a ‘mard’ who somewhere down the line, became a man. Or, I could be a man who due to the need of the hour, just acted as a ‘mard’ and then, started enjoying the frivolous life to stay a ‘mard’. There are a few of us, who are actually morons but have truly found the most perfect way to fool the world by declaring ourselves, a man. And then, there is a minuscule population of morons, who flip their butt coin to suddenly become a ‘mard’. And that’s when the world comes to an end.


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