This pain is priceless

.
inspired by a Bengali poem/song by @shayan - a Bangladeshi singer and social thought bearer (a long read; only for vella folks like me!)
.
This pain is priceless
.
Found an old book; while dusting, opened it
Only to see, the name….
Misty eyed, got reminded; of that long lost friend
Who gifted it to me…
.
Whiling away time, morning till evening
Straying, we loitered on city streets
Kicking dust, walking aimlessly;
Singing old and new songs
Without any inhibitions.
Never, did we hold hands.
But we knew our worlds,
Were entwined to meet at the end of the road.
There were fights and arguments,
And good times; when we laughed encore
Reminded of those days together
I realize now; I still cherish your company
.
I know I have lost you. And it pains, endlessly.
But I need to keep this pain; this pain is priceless.
.
Why do we keep burying emotions, as we grow up?
We keep adding acquaintances and losing friends, as we grow up, why?
There is no news about you; I don’t know your whereabouts at all
But I do remember times together, happy and sad
We were partners; soul mates, feeling in equal measure.
Today in this selfish, mad rush of the world
Let me confess for once, in my fading remembrances
I have forgotten to remember you so many times
During my vulnerable moments, happy and sad
Yes, I have learnt to live alone
And frankly, I don’t need a friend anymore
But, in all this supposedly completeness of my life
There blows a sudden gush of vacuum
May be, just may be it’s you
I don’t think we will meet again, ever
But still I do hum our happy song sometimes.
.
Am sure you are living a good life
I too am breathing just fine
But there are times when, in a crowd of people known to me
Where I am not alone; but lonely.
That one last time we had met
Silence was being spoken, instead of words, between us
We knew reasons; yet kept it repressed within 
In our hearts, we still believed this would get better.
Never ever, did we imagine we would walk away.
The heart acting as the crossroad
To the final decision of our lonely destinations
This world too, played its clever game 
And made us heartless to each other
Our egos fuelled the fire
And burnt our dreams of desire
We both won; battle of ego
But lost the war to win over the world
To live together forever.
.
I know I have lost you. And it pains, endlessly.
But I need to keep this pain; this pain is priceless.
.
In celebration of that worthless win 
Today as I reminisce those days
There is a sweet pain of your memory
And hurt to have lost you purposely.
Am not sure though; suddenly why,
At this point in life you are running through my mind
It’s almost past a lifetime, that we have met
To speak the language of silence again,
Through our eyes and touch.
.
I try to sketch your last look at me
That stare, the smile, the innocent rage
And then imagine, how would be your look now
Every time, I fail.
My falling tears, wash away your face from paper.
I have a blank page; and blank space on my mind.
The whole expanse of the sky falls on me,
Drenches me in your memories, soils me within and takes me adrift
Breaks me and kills me slowly, everyday.
I wish no one loses a friend like you were to me
I pray no friend says good bye, the way we went away, silently.
.
I know I have lost you. And it pains, endlessly.
But I need to keep this pain; this pain is priceless.
.
ishQ
10th February 2014